No, this is not an existential crisis.
I’ve been asking myself this question as I lie in bed unable to sleep.
I haven’t written anything worthwhile in ages so why start now, right?
Writing, like any skill, takes practice. And just like everything you’ve learned, you get rusty if you don’t do it enough for long periods of time.
So why start again now?
Because now is the only real time to start.
I don’t want to put off things until tomorrow… Not if I have this burning itch that just needs to be scratched.
I’ve been needing space and time to put my mind in order.
You see, I just lost my job. Four years of tenure just went down the drain.
I know it’s not the end of the world and I’m pretty sure someone will tell me they’ve been through so much worse but this is my wall right now. This is my reality and I really have no idea how I am supposed to go through this gracefully.
I am hurt, angry, disappointed and confused all at the same time.
However, I know I can’t stay like this.
I have responsibilities, bills to pay, a family to support and I can’t afford to stay down long enough to throw myself a pity party.
Somehow, I need to get back up on my feet and start over.
This is easier said than done.
Having this opportunity and time to think made me wonder… Am I in the right path?
Wasn’t I supposed to be doing something else – something better – with my life?
Then it struck me. I started this job (and the three previous ones) with only income in mind.
MONEY, MONEY, MONEY.
Don’t get me wrong, we all need money. We all have lives to live, people to support, things to buy, places to be. It’s a fact of life (unless of course you feel that being a hermit would suit you better).
Life simply has to be better than this. There must be a reasonable way to earn money and not have to drag yourself to work each day.
So here I am… asking myself What do I want to do?
I want to write. Yes, I WANT TO WRITE.
I cannot emphasize this enough.
Okay, so I figured out what I wanted to do.
But now, the question is What do I write about?
I mean, writing is in fact an easy thing to do. However, writing great content is not as simple.
So I have to ask myself more questions…
What should I write about?
Who am I writing for?
Where will I find myself one, five or ten years after?
When do I know if I am on the right path?
How do I start?
I want to have a clear vision of what I want to achieve. That way, don’t lose sight of my goal(s) again. I have been down this path so many times before only to give up on myself halfway and go back to doing what I’m pretty good at but loathe.
So this is my new journey, my clean slate.
Let’s see where this road leads, shall we?